Jisatsu No-To-
by Halcyon Runner
Summary: She ran away; to the outside of this world and to the edge of the universe.


When her dad talks shit to her in front of the family and for a split second she's just like "..." but then she sees everyone laughing at her and then she starts laughing too...

At first you thought she was just stupid.

And she was.

Somehow, she was defected; retarded, impaired...

And to top it off, she was shallow, selfish, and mean; she was an ignorant idiot who would even, knowingly, bully children inborn with mental illness, and then later beg for attention, which closed the deal for you to pass her off as unnecessary and annoying.

This was a judgment you'd passed on her from when she was around five.

To be honest, it was frustrating for your generation to have been followed up by such an ignorant idiot such as herself

But over the years, you notice that something has changed in her.

You notice that she'd become meeker and quieter.

She'd stutter and although before, when she was just a child, she had a lot more trouble structuring sentences and conveying her thoughts into words than most children, but now it was as if she was truly speech impaired.

It would seem as though her self-confidence had been shattered.

By someone, or somehow, you don't know, but you can't help but feel somewhat responsible,

Somewhat guilty for _always _berating and ignoring her all these years.

You've come to understand that she enjoys putting effort into making people laugh,

Even if she's setting a negative image upon herself.

She strikes up conversations with you now and then.

She says some pretty good things sometimes, and you can't suppress your laughter.

She's told you stories about her screw-ups that would sometimes sound like complaints but would have you bursting, laughter in your lungs, at her antics anyways.

Besides, you've put together too many pieces to believe she was complaining. Not with the face that she makes every time you've laughed at something she'd done or said.

And she's just so _impossibly_ clumsy that you've begun to think that she should've been born as a character in an anime world, or somewhere, where it would be completely normal and healthy for her to be _that_ awkwardly uncoordinated.

Your older brother; her eldest cousin, thinks she's, in all seriousness, mentally disabled, which is fortunately, not the case.

And when he laughs at her, you know that he doesn't think much of it

But when she laughs alongside them, at her own father's offhanded insult like she doesn't know better, your heart aches for her.

Because it wasn't enough for you to not miss it- the slight pause, the blank-face-a poker face that didn't hide the gleam in her eyes, a flicker of despondency, of heartache, dejection, like it was something he'd say all the time, something it would've taken _years_, her childhood, to get over and ignore like it was nothing.

She's lonely just like you.

And you resonate with that.

You recognize this feeling as empathy and you realize just about how much more than "shallow" she is, and that feeling has your guts twisting.

It's only now that you _truly_ wish for her to be alive so you can tell her so.

She'd been disregarded by everyone.

You'd wondered if there was anyone she relied on at her school.

Apparently not, not after her passing.

Standing at her memorial, you watch the crying faces of her parents, but you quickly divert your attention.

You watch the memorial pass by until it's end, until something else catches your eyes.

It's her.

She's crying, you run up to her and hug her tight.

And you don't let go._ Not again..._

She's been disregarded, questioned of her mental capabilities, and downright scathed, bullied by ignorant idiots who know better than to bully children born ill.

She's depressing, a little annoying, speech-impaired, impossibly clumsy, and unlike your other cousin of whom you are still mourning over, she was actually inborn with Autism, as if it makes her any less lovable.

Apparently she'd left a note before she passed away.

It was a story of a girl that she'd incorporated herself into by telling the things she'd experienced through someone else's point of view, that someone else you don't know of, but give your sympathy nonetheless.

It was implied that she had not intended for anyone to find it, that it was a story telling of her apologies and her self-pity.

Of why she ran away the way she did.

And you couldn't blame her.

Because she was a-world-left-behind's distance away to care.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: My first story. Thank you for reading. **

**Y****ou can say that this was inspired by Vocaloid's "The Melancholy of a Literary Boy"**

**I'll post the lyrics down here so you can read it if don't want to search the song up to listen to it:**

* * *

><p><em>"Sometimes, I think I might as well <em>

_Go off to somewhere far away all by myself_

_Throwing away anything and everything_

_My school, my friends, my part-time job_

* * *

><p><em>In the hoard of people at the departure station of the Keio line<em>

_A little girl is crying after losing her wallet_

_But soon after the train comes_

_People click their tongues as they fail to get a seat_

_And suddenly I feel like nothing matters anymore_

_I've become a part of these cold-hearted humans_

* * *

><p><em>Someone please call out my name<em>

_Why is it that I feel so sad all of a sudden_

_I will fly outside of this world to the edge of the universe_

_And I will play with this twisting and turning imagination_

_Before my tears start to fall_

* * *

><p><em>This is my favorite author, you should read his works too,<em>

_Though he committed suicide quite a long time ago_

_'My life was full of shame,' he said_

_'I lied about everything,' he said_

_I laughed thinking he was such a gloomy guy_

_But his words wouldn't leave my mind_

* * *

><p><em>Someone please let me hear your voice right now<em>

_As I'm rocked back and forth in the train, all by myself_

_I just want to fly across the rail to the other side of the moon_

_Ascending high in the sky and then I will go back_

_To that day when you were still with me_

* * *

><p><em>'Dear sir, someday <em>_will I_

_die somewhere just like you?'_

* * *

><p><em>Even if your life was full of shame<em>

_Even if you lied about everything_

_I still can't become like you_

_I'm just a normal boy who loves literature_

* * *

><p><em>Someone please call out my name<em>

_Why is it that I feel so sad all of a sudden?_

_I will fly outside of this world to the end of the universe_

_Please let me shake free from all the restrains_

_and run far away."_


End file.
